The battle
by kitty4
Summary: something silly, just useful to have a good laugh (I hope) It's a gigantic cross-over, please check it out!


Hi, this fanfic is what comes out when I start to write at 2 in the morning and you were high with some medicin stuff (I *really* was ill, phyiscally).  
It's totally silly, and really just to have a good laugh. At one point especially it gets really heavy; I understand if you say there (if not even earlier) that the whole thing is trash.  
It's a crosscover comedy, you shouldn't take it serious, I just wrote it for (my own) fun. However, you should have some knowledge about anime/manga in general. You will understand the fic also without knowing everything but it sure is more fun if you know basic things about more or less famous series. Most of them have already many fanfics out here, so you should already have a clue about them.  
I think I chose anyway stuff which is pretty well-known, go check that! If you don't know them, then change that soon, it's worth it (though I *don't* say they're all favorites of mine - I really would exclude SMoon or Pokémon or a few others then!)!  
At the end of the fic, there's a list of who is appearing and which series they belong to. Don't sue me if I forgot one or gave a wrong short-description..  
Anyhow, hope you like what you'll read.  
OH, and we all know this "i don't own the charas and so on", so I drop that line. We know that anyway.  
PS: I know my English sucks. Deal with it.  
  
PSS: Apart from these very lines this whole thing was written at least 1 1/2 years ago, last check on May this year, if I'm correct. I myself found it so silly that I didn't want to post it but today I decided it's idiotic to write a fanfic without anyone reading it/wasting their time with it.  
So much for my excuse; btw I *can* write normal too! Just check out my other stories and you'll see!  
  
But now on with the cruel story:  
  
  
The battle  
----------  
  
The battle should begin. There should be three rounds, every hard and unhuman.  
For the first round the combatants stepped forward, wishes of luck were heard and the crowd screamed.  
It should begin now any second. The first round of the battle. Who would be the best? Which team could win?  
The five challengers sat down now looking at their huge tables in front of them.  
*Wow, that's really gonna be tough* they all tought.  
  
"Now" the showmaster began "Let me introduce you to the crowd!"  
They all nodded.  
"Here on table number 1 we've got Ranma Saotome from Nerima, Tokyo. Mr.Saotome please stand up"  
Ranma stood up, bowed and sat down again, and began to concentrate on his task in front of him. His battle aura impressed quite a few people - they didn't expect such a famous warrior at the first contest.  
  
"On table number 2 we see SonGoku from ah...somewhere out of the mountains. Please stand up, SonGoku."  
The little boy stood up but was hardly seen as he wasn't tall enough to look over the table. So he sat down again, also concentrating.  
"SonGoku? Hasn't he rescued the world?" one out of the crowd asked  
"Yeah - a few times I think..." another one answered.  
  
"Now" the show-master began again "let's welcome our female combatants. On table number 3 we've got Usagi Tsukino from Minato, Tokyo. Miss Tsukino, would you please stand up". The girl stood up, bowed and hit her head on the table. The crowd laughed while the girl started to cry.   
A man in the crowd sniffed until he couldn't hold it anymore. The man was Soun Tendo and cried now with her - the blonde girl was so pathetic crying like that.  
  
Before the show-master could go on he had to wait a bit. When all the water had flown away he said: "Thank you for the bath. Please warn us the next time before you two cry as if wanting to make the Niagara-Falls jealous - I will fetch my airbed." The crowd laughed again.  
"So when we can go on... let's see.. yeah, on table number 4 Miaka, Priestress of Suzaku from Konan... never heard of that country. However, please welcome the crowd." The brown-haired girl stood up, bowed and sat down again. 7 boys (one of them dressed as a girl) were screaming for her "Miaka, Miaka!", *probably her fanclub* the people thought although these 'boys' seemed actually a bit old for that.  
  
"And last but not least..ahm...this ball of fur here is..ah..namely: "Mr.Panda, Ranko's pet" from Nerima, Tokyo." The panda stood up and said: "Groulf". After seeing the puzzled looks from the people the panda showed them a sign out of wood on which one could read: [Hello!], then it put the sign from where it was fetched and sat down again.  
  
"Now that we know everybody the battle can finally begin! Fetch the cooks!"  
  
Head lights were put on the curtain in the background. Music began and the curtain was opened. 4 girls went in, each of them smiling.  
"Here we go! All of this cute little ladies helped together to prepair the food! And they will serve it as well" the showmaster screamed in his micro "The talented Makoto Kino!... Though she's still a teenager she's already a very good cook, specialist for bento."  
"We're so proud of you Mako!" a few girls screamed.  
"Next comes the magnificant Belldandy!... Isn't she lovely? Our combattants must feel like in heaven to have such a goddess as a cook!"  
"Hurry up sis, serve them their food so we can go home already - I'll miss my TV show!" a white haired and very sexy woman demanded.  
"Hey M'am!!" the showmaster said pointing at that woman.  
"Who me?" Urd said.  
"Yeah you. You're the sister of Belldandy?" the woman nodded with a "Yeah. So?"  
"Ahm - it's not allowed to hush our cooks. I think we have to talk in privat after this is over. Best you gimme your phone number for the records..."  
"Nice try." Urd grinnned  
A bit embarressed the showmaster went on "Next is Lunch...also a very lovely woman. Oh! I have a notice here that I shell read...aha. May I have your attention please. If anyone has pepper with him then please leave the match - you bring us all in danger. I dunno why but Lunch needn't sneeze." he shrugged "Has anyone pepper with him?" he asked the crowd.   
Silence was the answer. "Then I simply will go on. Okay, last of our cooking team is also from Nerima like two of our combattans!"   
At this moment exactly these two looked up from their meditation and got a look of horror. Was it possible...  
*Please, don't let it be her!* the two thought.  
"It is Tendo Kasumi!"  
Ranma Saotome and the panda let out a loud breathe of relief.  
  
"Now ladies, would you please serve everyone his portion and then we will begin with the combat!!"  
The girls hurried, the crowed cheered.  
Now the battle could begin...who would be the winner of the first round, the greatest eater of this universe!?  
  
  
--  
  
  
The match was nothing else but terrible and frightening. That what was happening didn't look human anymore (nor anything near to it, refering to the panda).  
However, after some terrible minutes and lots of meals there was the result of the first match:  
  
Miaka had to find out that she seemed the only combatant who was more or less normal - that is she couldn't use some magical power or that extreme inner strength. She gave up after the 74th plate.  
  
Usagi had to stop soon after Miaka, namely after the 77th plate. Clumsily as she seems to be she had a little accident with the spoon - she nearly ate it with all the rest and caughed on it and caughed and caughed and struggled and nearly fainted right then and there but luckely someone slapped her on her back and she got rid of the evil spoon. Unluckely she hit the table in front of her (again) thanks to the slap and went into dream-land which caused her sleeping until now.  
  
The panda was in till the 86th plate. We don't know exactly what happened: as far as we know one of the cooks fell over her own feet while carrying soup (she said she saw someone in the crowd who ressemled very much her first boy-friend who broke up with her) and so splashed the panda with it. Unfortunately it seems that the soup must have been so hot that the panda left immediately, maybe for a hospital. We asked already there for some soup-accident but found nothing. So, unfortunately, the panda is disqualified.  
The crazy man who claimed to be the panda is not considered to be related to the panda in any kind but that he is one out of the crowed who must have been hungry, probably he wanted to take the free-food. He looks like that kind of type.  
  
  
SonGoku and Ranma on the other hand had a real fight-to-... no, eat-to-the-death-match.  
They were both at the same level (somewhere around the 241st plate if we can trust the eyes of our counters) when suddenly two strangers and a cat burst into the competition. One of them, namely the boy with this purple hair of his, threw a pink and white little ball right into the face of SonGoku screamin' "Gotcha Ya!"  
"ouch" was the victims answer. SonGoku took the ball and examined it when the little button on the ball lost it's glow. About twenty question marks appeared above the little boy's head until suddenly his face lit up and happiness was written all over it: "Hey Bulma!! I found a new Dragon Ball!!"  
"Hugh?!" the young man who threw the ball sweat-droped.   
"James," his femal compaignon screamed when she pointed at SonGoku "I told you that isn't a Pokémon! Just having the average heigh, a fury tail and a strange hair cut -"  
Suddenly nearly everybody screamed: "Hey! Who are you talking about strange hair cuts!!"  
"Instead of strange I'd prefere to call them individualistic!" Ryoko (personal demon of Tenchi) frowned.  
"You said it, sis" added the red-haired priestress of El Hazard standing next to Ryoko in the crowd. "Everybody who's something to say about 'strange' hair cuts or -colours can come over here and have a littl' talk with me!" she said clunching her fists together.  
"...ah..okay." Jessie said."Anyway. James!! That ain't a Pokémon -at it's best it's a Digimon, yuck!- so let's get going! Team Rocket leaves the place!!"  
"TAKE THAT THING OFFA ME!!!!!!!!" a certain martial artist screamed meanwhile in the background. Team Rocket's third member hang onto Ranma's head, scratching him every now and then while trying to inhale as much food of Ranma's plates as possible. Unfortunately the cat-Pokémon didn't know that Ranma feared his kinds the most. Everybody could see that during the hair conversation poor Ranma must have tried very hard not to let his fear of cats overcome him... he did succed however, until now.  
Ranma: "yahhhh!...yahhoul..." he stuttered out.  
"What are these strange sounds coming from Saotome Ranma??" the show-master took that opportunity to use his microphone again and make the people tense up even more.  
"Oh no! Anybody help him!!" Ranma's fiancee shouted unlady-likely, "Take that cat away!! Fast!! Ranma you jerk! Don't you dare embarresse us here!!""  
"oh my" whispered a shocked Belldandy as she watched Akane.  
"oh my" whispered a shocked Kasumi as she saw Belldandy.  
"I'm going to 'take' that f*ckin' cat away" Inu-yasha [a dog-demon] grinned. "After all, that joke of a human and me, ...we are some kind of relatives..."  
"Yes, I use about twelf tubs of L'Oreal hair gel, some mousse of Wella and to finish it and give it that wonderful shimmer, I spray XXL-Make-your-hair-never-ever-leave-it's-place-again hair spray of _ _ (that's a secret, hehe) onto it. Beautiful isn't it?" Jessie chatted along with Ryoko and Shyla-shyla.  
Ranma began to go down on all fours yowling incredibly.  
"I hope my great red does never pale like your blue, Ryoko" Shyla-shyla went on.  
"_WHAT_" said one answered sharply.  
"Don't argue, you two. Mine is the most beautiful anyway!" Jessie 'calmed' down the other two.  
Seconds later, the three women had an evil fight [which I had to leave out, after all little children surve around here without the parents knowing it...]. Let's just say, I meant it:*evil* fight.  
Where women fight, there's Happosai not far away. Nor is SonGoku's master MutenRoshi, Sailor Mars' Grandpa, ...well I better send you a list if you're interested...  
Awhile that, SonGoku played "Go Fetch" with Neko-Ranma and his so-called Modern Dragon Ball.  
That is until the ball flew right into the dusty cloud of the fighters and Ranma and Son-Goku jumped both after it to search for it and either, in SonGoku's case, bring it to safety or, in Ranma's case, go on playing "Go Fetch".  
Akane of course, followed as well, trying desperately to catch Ranma and turn him to his normal self again.  
The dust made all the food go to h*ll and that again made the cooks angry. Makoto Kino, also known as SailorJupiter, called for the lightenings, and sent a few flashes into the direction of the fighters.  
Pikachu, who had arrived shortly after TeamRocket, felt frightened by this hugh competitor and grilled Makoto in the process.  
It shouldn't take long until Lum arrived as well to show that she was still in in the question 'Who grills who best?'  
...  
After some more minutes there was a hugh cloud of dusk ingulfing about a hundred people. Some were trying to beat the other cold out, some were trying to prevent that from happening, some were just defending themselves, some were trying to stop the whole fight, some were grilling the other, some were taking revenge for long forgotten things, some just helped their friends, some protected the others, some defended their reputation, two tried to marry their children, some where chasing one or another, some where just hoping to get a good fight and one was hoping to find a ball to continue playing "Go Fetch".  
  
"Stop it" said a masculin voice.  
"Yes, you big-eyed-kiddies!" said another.  
At that all the fighting people stopped at once and looked at the speakers.   
There stood Batman and Superman. [okay, I see it's getting real bad now]  
  
"What did you say?" Demanded Van Fanel (who had chosen exactly this day to visit the earth with Hitomi) speaking for the whole crowd.  
  
"You heard us." Batman responded.  
"Yeah" Flash Gordon supported as he landed next to his American collegues.  
"You will stop this childish behaviour this instant!" said Spiderman, now appearing as well, "You will chose some heros, and with that the Good will fight the Evil. That's how it goes!"  
"Look at us, we're heros" Superman added. "We're legends! Everybody knows us. We're gonna live forever. I doubt that for you if you go on like that."  
  
"...'live forever'..pah!" Mousse muttered under his breathe to Shampoo, "we'll see that - don't we have some Cryptonit left at our village, Shan Pu?"  
  
"So that's how you want it?" it came from Sheera. "Shell we settle this with a fight?" Her brother He-Man continued [yeah, those two still are alive!]  
  
"We won't step back from a challenge!" shouted Piccolo, "Will we?" He didn't really ask the others but anyways, all of them screamed back full force: "Never !!"  
  
"So it's one great fight then, eh?" Wonderwomen said, taking a fighting stance. "You against us. We will settle this for once and all!!"  
"Right!" answered Misato "For once and for all" and with that three EVAs appeared at the horizon, as well as a few Angels.  
  
"We...We need a jury" the show-master stuttered out.  
Superman laughed a bit, "No problem" he said, "We just ask the French."  
  
  
As it was said, it was done: Lucky Luke, around 50 Shroumphs and Obelix sat in front of the battlefield, waiting for the combattans to get ready.  
On the left side, the American heros....  
On the right side, the Japanese all stars...  
  
Good and evil, both together on their sides. Being one against the other in this fight of all fights. Against the only enemy they had all in common.  
  
It should become the greatest of all wars you've ever heard of. One of which you would talk for a long time.  
  
  
  
---  
Okay guys, that's it. I don't know where this last idea came from (that "American Comic vs. Japanese Manga" idea). I didn't want to decide which side should win after all. I personally am anime/manga fan and have never had one single American comic but that's my thing.  
I like the thought that all the good ones work together with the evils, because there's one greater enemy. It's a typical human attitude, isn't it. What do you think about that?  
If you wonder, I tried to mention as many 2D-figures as I could but not one single Disney-production appeared. Well, I thought about writing somewhere something like "We better let the Disneys out, they're too soft for this..." - don't get me wrong, the sentence just didn't fit in anywhere that's why I left them out completely. I actually like to watch a Disney movie every once in a while though I probably still prefered an anime.   
I hope it was not too confusing, I know I can't expect of you that every single reader knows what characters belong to which series but I hope that you at least understood the story line (which story line??) and had a little fun. I certainly had.  
---  
If somebody likes to finish this war, please help yourself (I'd just like to know then). I won't do it, I leave it at this *the crowd cheers*.  
But some C&C please, I'd like to read it.  
2001, May 21th  
  
  
  
---  
List of Characters:  
-showmaster, no particular character but if you like imagine it's the showmaster of DragonBall, you know this blonde one with the black sun-glasses  
-Ranma Saotome (Ranma 1/2) [has a curse: cold water turns him into a girl, hot H²O returns him. Has fear of cats, changes into a human cat if the fear becomes too great]  
-SonGoku (Dragon Balls) [develops later unhuman strength and fights better than even god himself]  
-Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon) [English name: Serena... do I have to explain it?...]  
-Soun Tendo (Ranma 1/2) [father of Ranma's fiancee, cries very easily]  
-Miaka (Fushigi Yuugi) [nothin really important for this fic to mention here]  
-Mr Panda, Ranko's Pet (Ranma 1/2) [Ranma's father who has also a curse, just that he turns into a panda; real name: Genma Saotome]  
-Makoto Kino (Sailor Moon) [doan know her English name.. Molly I think... anyway, she's Jupiter having the power over the lightnings]  
-Belldandy (Ah! My Goddess!) [a goddess who stays out of love with a human called Keichi]  
-Urd (Ah! My Goddess!) [Belldandy's older sister - very sexy]  
-Lunch (Dragon Ball) [maid of SonGoku's first master, when she sneezes, she changes her personality (and looks) into a warrior girl who shoots at simply everything]  
-Kasumi Tendo (Ranma 1/2) [daughter of Soun Tendo, sister of Ranma's fiancee]  
-James (Pokémon) [doan know the English name nor the Japanese one - I use it in German; member of TeamRocket, the 'evils' at this series but also the clumsy ones]  
-Bulma (Dragon Ball) [friend of SonGoku, the two searched for the Dragon Balls in the first place]  
-Ryoko (Tenchi Muyo) [demon who eventually fell in love with Tenchi, she's rather...let's put it: temperamental]  
-Shyla-Shyla (El Hazard) [one of three priestess in the series, is rather boyish, likes to fight and drink and is also 'temperamental']  
-Jessie (Pokémon) [doan know English name nor the Japanese one; second member of TeamRocket]  
-Mauzi (Pokémon) [doan know English name nor Japanese one, third member of TeamRocket and a cat-Pokémon]  
-Akane (Ranma 1/2) [Ranma's fiancee; rather tomboyish, cooks just atomatic waste though she tries her best, her presence changes 'Ranma in cat-form' back]  
-Inu-yasha (Inu-yasha) [demon of the past... rest like at Miaka - though the manga's acutally a must-read in my humble opinion]  
-Happosai (Ranma 1/2) [lecher, that's enough]  
-Muten Roshi (Dragon Ball) [also a lecher]  
-Ray's Grandpa (Sailor Moon) [more harmless though still a lecher]  
-Pikachu (Pokémon) [probably most favorite Pokémon of the series]  
-Lum (Urusei Yatsura) [heroine (and also alien) of the series, falls in love with a horny idiot... okay, I doan like him; she likes to punish said one with flashes]  
-Batman (Batman) [alias Bruce Wayne, hero and fighter for the good in Gotham City]  
-Superman (Superman) [alias reporter Clark Kent (cK...), hero and fighter for the good all over the world, especially Metropolis; weakness: stone called Cryptonit]  
-Van Fanel (Escaflowne) [one young king on the planet Gaia where the Earth is just known as the BlackMoon, falls eventually in love with Hitomi(I hope!)]  
-Hitomi (Escaflowne) [is suddenly transfered to Gaia and mets Van, stayes, helps and fights with him]  
-Flash Gordon (Flash Gordon) [all I can remember is that he's blond and also a hero... :b]  
-Spiderman (Spiderman) [alias Lewis Parker (?), transfers every now and then into a spider-mutant because of an atomic accident...kinda like at the Simpsons]  
-Mousse (Ranma 1/2) [chinese friend as well as enemy to Ranma, is badly in love with Shampoo]  
-Shampoo (Ranma 1/2) [chinese girl who is in love with Ranma and has to marry him because of her tribe's amazon law]  
-Sheera (Sheera) [heroine of a fantasy world (cartoon)]  
-He-Man (He-Man) [hero of the fantasy world next door (really!) and brother of Sheera though they're two different series]  
-Piccolo (Dragon Balls) [once worst enemy of SonGoku; is the devil himself as well as the other part of god who split up his two attitudes good and evil]  
-Wonderwoman (Wonderwoman) [wears a costume like the US flag, that's all I know]  
-Misato (NeonGenesisEvangelion) [directs the EVAs]  
-three EVAs (NGE) [in short&superficial: an EVA is a giant roboter used to defend the humans against aliens called "Angels". Each EVA needs a special child as pilot (a must-see)]  
-a few Angels (NGE) [just read it, silly]  
-Lucky Luke (Lucky Luke) [cool Cowboy in the WildWest helping every now and then where help is needed and "is faster with his gun that his own shadow"]  
-the Shroumphs (The Shroumphs) [100 little blue thingies who live just their life trying not to be caught by an evil magician]  
-Obelix (Asterix) [best friend of Asterix; they live during Ceasar's time and defend their village from being conquered with the help of a magical power drink]  
...  
puh - more than I thought!!   
  
Congratualtions if you read until here------ ........you really must have been bored. Well, you wasted your time out of your own free will so don't you put it down on me! 


End file.
